What can I do to help my child when they feel very different at work, home and around other people?

Short answer

Your child may show different sides of themselves in different places because the demands are different.

What this can look like

A child may be chatty at home and quiet at school, or the reverse.

Why it can happen

Home, school, sport and social events each bring different rules, noise, support and recovery opportunities. The difference is information, not evidence that they are pretending.

What might help

Ask what each place requires and avoid treating one setting as the whole child.

What the research helps explain

A broad pattern in a child can be shaped by development, learning, health, stress, sleep, relationships, environment and support. Public information can help a family ask better questions and try safe practical changes; it cannot decide what label, if any, applies.

What can vary

Do not compare children, diagnose from a pattern or make them prove a difficulty. Persistent, severe, sudden or concerning changes deserve appropriate advice from a qualified professional who knows the child’s context.

For this situation

For you, share helpful observations across settings without making your child the problem to solve.

More info and original sources

Poko summarises the relevance of public original sources and links out for anyone who wants to read more.

• Executive Functions — Explains attention, working memory and flexibility as developing, context-sensitive processes.
• About psychosocial hazards — Provides a conditions-focused framework for understanding how demands and supports affect functioning.