What can I do to help my child when they look like they are doing well but are running on empty?

Short answer

A child can look fine on the outside and still be using a lot of effort.

What this can look like

Your child may smile through an event and need a long quiet recovery afterwards.

Why it can happen

Doing well at school, being polite or holding it together in public does not tell you the whole recovery cost. Notice what happens afterwards as well as during the activity.

What might help

Believe the cost and plan shorter, quieter or more predictable participation next time.

What the research helps explain

A broad pattern in a child can be shaped by development, learning, health, stress, sleep, relationships, environment and support. Public information can help a family ask better questions and try safe practical changes; it cannot decide what label, if any, applies.

What can vary

Do not compare children, diagnose from a pattern or make them prove a difficulty. Persistent, severe, sudden or concerning changes deserve appropriate advice from a qualified professional who knows the child’s context.

For this situation

For you, make after-school or post-activity decompression ordinary, not a reward they must earn.

More info and original sources

Poko summarises the relevance of public original sources and links out for anyone who wants to read more.

• Executive Functions — Explains attention, working memory and flexibility as developing, context-sensitive processes.
• About psychosocial hazards — Provides a conditions-focused framework for understanding how demands and supports affect functioning.