Good Systems · public information library

Why is it so hard to relax the rules I set for myself?

People come here to understand why something in everyday life feels harder, different or more costly than it should — and what might make it work better.

Short answer

Rules can become hard to relax when they are doing the job of safety, identity or certainty.

What this can look like

A rule may protect safety or identity, then become costly when it cannot bend.

Why it can happen

Test flexibility in a low-stakes area first; keep values while changing one rigid method.

What might help

Keep the value and test a different method in one low-stakes situation.

What the research helps explain

Research and public guidance describe perfectionism and overcontrol by their impact on flexibility, finishing, relationships and quality of life. High standards can be useful; a public page cannot diagnose OCD, OCPD, anxiety or another experience.

What can vary

The same behaviour can have different meanings in different contexts. This information must not be used to label yourself or someone else.

For this situation

For you, identify the value underneath the rule.

More info and original sources

Poko summarises the relevance of public original sources and links out for anyone who wants to read more.