Good Systems · public information library

How can I help someone when they cannot start things even when they matter to them?

People come here to understand why something in everyday life feels harder, different or more costly than it should — and what might make it work better.

Short answer

Make the first step smaller and ask whether they want support getting started, rather than telling them to try harder.

What this can look like

They may pace, tidy or scroll around a task they genuinely want to do because the first move still feels too big or unclear.

Why it can happen

Starting can depend on clarity, friction, timing and activation, not only on caring. Offer one concrete first action, a short shared start or a clear time; keep it optional.

What might help

Offer one tiny, optional start: open the page, find the letter or put the item on the table. Then step back unless they ask for more.

What the research helps explain

Australian ADHD guidance and international consensus evidence describe ADHD as affecting everyday functioning for some people, including attention, planning, memory, time and follow-through. Practical support can still be useful without deciding that ADHD is the explanation.

What can vary

Stress, sleep, health, environment, task design and preference can create similar patterns. Do not diagnose someone from a pattern or give support they have not asked for.

For this situation

For you, try: “Would it help to choose the first tiny step together, or would you rather I leave you to it?”

More info and original sources

Poko summarises the relevance of public original sources and links out for anyone who wants to read more.