Good Systems · public information library

How can I help someone when people think they do not care when they are trying really hard?

People come here to understand why something in everyday life feels harder, different or more costly than it should — and what might make it work better.

Short answer

Assume effort may be invisible and ask what part is getting stuck.

What this can look like

You may see a late reply or missed task, while they have spent hours trying to begin, remember or decide what to do.

Why it can happen

Other people may only see the missed task or late reply, not the work it took to keep going. A specific support request is more useful than deciding someone does not care.

What might help

Name what you observed without guessing the reason: “This seems stuck. Would a clearer next step or less pressure help?”

What the research helps explain

Australian ADHD guidance and international consensus evidence describe ADHD as affecting everyday functioning for some people, including attention, planning, memory, time and follow-through. Practical support can still be useful without deciding that ADHD is the explanation.

What can vary

Stress, sleep, health, environment, task design and preference can create similar patterns. Do not diagnose someone from a pattern or give support they have not asked for.

For this situation

For you, say what you noticed without guessing why: “What would make the next step more workable?”

More info and original sources

Poko summarises the relevance of public original sources and links out for anyone who wants to read more.