Good Systems · public information library
How can I help someone when they miss unspoken rules but notice things other people miss?
People come here to understand why something in everyday life feels harder, different or more costly than it should — and what might make it work better.
Short answer
Make hidden rules visible without treating someone as socially incapable.
What this can look like
They may not know an unwritten rule, such as when to leave, how formally to dress or whether a joke needs an answer.
Why it can happen
People can miss an unspoken expectation and notice useful detail other people skip. Explain the rule, its purpose and whether it is flexible.
What might help
Explain the rule and its purpose without making it a lesson about them. Say whether it is flexible and what choice they have.
What the research helps explain
Australian autism guidance and research on masking describe meaningful differences in sensory experience, communication, routines, transitions and recovery. They support person-led, context-aware exploration; one trait or difficult day cannot establish autism or AuDHD.
What can vary
People differ widely in communication, sensory needs, recovery and the support they want. Similar experiences can have other explanations. Do not infer identity or offer support without the person’s input.
For this situation
For you, give the information as a choice, not a correction or a test.
More info and original sources
Poko summarises the relevance of public original sources and links out for anyone who wants to read more.
- National Guideline for assessment and diagnosis of autism — Australian evidence guidance on autism assessment, varied presentation and appropriate limits.
- Autism Support Strategies — Australian public guidance on practical, person-led environmental and communication supports.